TESTIMONY BY TINA FELDMAN FROM MARGIT: A TEENAGER'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE HOLOCAUST AND BEYOND (APPENDIX B)
(Eulogy by Tina to her mother follows Testimony below)
Through the entire fabric of my life my mother's strength has been woven. She is my rock and my savior. She taught me to appreciate the simple pleasures of life like her wonderful Hungarian cooking, or the love of beautiful flowers. She has given me a feeling for high moral standards and ethics. She has been a mentor to many others as well. She is committed to her family, but she can also appreciate the worth of every human being. She has never forgotten to care for "Grandma Boehm" (her Aunt Minnie) who cared for her when she first came to this country. She has never refused to help my daughter Caryn or me when we need her.
But I also feel pain, the pain of knowing what my mother endured in her early years, and the thought of it haunts me to this day. And it is, frankly, hard for me to understand how God allowed the Holocaust to happen. I will never abandon my Judaism, but I have serious and unresolved questions.
I can remember when I was a child. World War II was over long before I was born, but I remember still fearing for my mother's welfare. In dreams I experienced frightening things happening to me. When I was eight or nine, I had a persistent nightmare. Earlier I used to love to go to the home of my parent's friend Roselee Borow. She had a huge fireplace, and at a very early age I used to sit mesmerized by the flickering flames it emitted. In my dream, however, a Frankensteinlike bogeyman called Hitler used to emerge from the flames and slit my eye lids with a razor. Until very recently, I couldn't tell my mother about it, although the dream is vivid in my mind to this day. When I finally told my mother of it, she wept. It was very difficult for me to tell her this, but perhaps it will help me to communicate more openly with my mother about these things that have haunted me since my early childhood.
I recall our trip to Hungary in 1972. I was only fifteen, but I could sense in my mother that she had once felt safe and familiar, yet in the end had found herself unprotected and vulnerable, and that she was reliving the terror and fright during our journey there. My one positive experience there was meeting and spending time with my uncle, my only other Hungarian relative who had survived. Even Israel failed to bring me tranquility. I don't want to be in places where life is in jeopardy. I am not able to deal with the issues confronting the Second Generation. It is still too painful for me even to imagine what my mother went through. I avoid films and books about the Holocaust.
All this having been said, my mother is an anchor to me. She is, to risk repeating an overused phrase, my role model. Despite all she has suffered herself, she brings help and hope to others. She works steadily to better the world around her. She has provided and promoted for me the two most important values in my life: stability and security. I hope I can be for my daughter, Caryn, what my mother has been for me.
EULOGY BY TINA FELDMAN, DAUGHTER APRIL 14, 2020
Mom represented all that is right in the human spirit: talent, pride, courage, and the ability to endure. If you can endure, you bring honor to yourself; even more, you bring honor to us all.
Mom will always be a strong, genuine influence. She has provided a world of love and memories for us. A woman of valor determined to push forward during all the extraordinary hardship and challenges she encountered during her life.
Together with Dad over their 66 years of marriage she built the life and family that she wanted for herself. Their devotion to each other was paramount above all else.
In our childhood years she took loving care of our day-to-day things while instilling and never losing sight of perseverance, optimism, and strength. My brother and I are so deeply proud to be her children. There is great comfort and warmth to be found from our favorite places in our childhood when we hold them in our heart.
Mom’s cooking gave us delicious Hungarian specialities that we indulged, savored, and enjoyed, always enriching our lives with her mother’s recipes steeped in tradition.
Julie being a second daughter gave her care, steady ground, patience, and daily support along with the continuation of family and Jewish traditions that Mom valued so much.
She has witnessed the maturation of Caryn, Joshua, and Zachary and their adult settling in – the taking on of life successfully. You have given her immense pleasure, pride, and a lifetime of love as a grandmother.
For her community she has inspired the highest ideals of character, conduct, leadership, and service to others. She always felt the satisfaction and security of people knowing her and our family from way back – of having roots in a place where you belong.
A woman of accomplishment as we celebrate all she has dreamed and achieved. She became a respected educator because she wanted to. Because she had to! Always expressing the hard truth for the voices no longer with us. Always speaking with determination, commitment, and facing obstacles with a positive attitude so no one will ever forget! Devoted to her cause, she offered everyone compassion and kindness, spreading a message of treatment for mankind with dignity and equal respect.
We will always love you, we will always see you, all of you, inside and out. We are filled with beautiful, perfect moments that will be treasured and remembered forever. We are all a reflection of your love.
Editor's Note:
Refer to Related Textual Material below
REMEMBRANCE OF MARGIT, MY MOTHER BY TINA FELDMAN
Through the entire fabric of my life my mother's strength has been woven. She is my rock and my savior. She taught me to appreciate the simple pleasures of life like her wonderful Hungarian cooking, or the love of beautiful flowers. She has given me a feeling for high moral standards and ethics. She has been a mentor to many others as well. She is committed to her family, but she can also appreciate the worth of every human being. She has never forgotten to care for "Grandma Boehm" (her Aunt Minnie) who cared for her when she first came to this country-Shtdias never refused to help my daughter Caryn or me when we need her.
But I also feel pain, the pain of knowing what my mother endured in her early years, and the thought of it haunts me to this day. And it is, frankly, hard for me to understand how God allowed the Holocaust to happen. I will never abandon my Judaism, but I have serious and unresolved doubts.
I can remember when I was a child. World War II was over long before I was born, but I remember still fearing for my mother's welfare. In dreams I experienced frightening things happening to me. When I was eight or nine, I had a persistentnightmare. Earlier I used to love to go to the home of my parent's friend Roselee Borow. She had a huge fireplace, and at a very early age I used to sit mesmerized by the flickering flames it emitted. In my dream, however, a Frankenstein-like bogeyman called Hitler used to emerge from the flames and slit my eye lids with a razor. Until very recently, I couldn't tell my mother about it, although the dream is vivid in my mind to this day. When I finally told my mother of it, she wept. It was very difficult for me to tell her this, but perhaps it will help me to communicate more openly with my mother about these things that have haunted me since my early childhood.
I recall our trip to Hungary in 1972. I was only fifteen, but I could sense in my mother that she had once felt safe and familiar, yet in the end had found herself unprotected and vulnerable, and that she was reliving the terror and fright during our journey there. My one positive experience there was meeting and spending time with my uncle, my only other Hungarian relative who had survived. Even Israel failed to bring me tranquility. I don't want to be in places where life is in jeopardy. I am not able to deal with the issues confronting the Sec ond Generation. It is still too painful for me even to imagine what my mother went through. I avoid films and books about the Holocaust.
All this having been said, my mother is an anchor to me. She is, to risk repeating an overused phrase, my role model. Despite all she has suffered herself, she brings help and hope to others. She works steadily to better the world around her. She has provided and promoted for me the two most important values in my life: stability and security. I hope I can be for my daughter, Caryn, what my mother has been for me.
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